you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
