So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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