Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
