hotel room ftw
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
