How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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