I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
