take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
