My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
