He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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