Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
