My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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