atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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