She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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