my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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