She is in my trunk
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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