So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
