We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wish there were birth control emojis
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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