To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
