No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
