so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize