I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
