Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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