Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
