If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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