Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
