Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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