What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
