So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize