I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Found your dick twin last night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The air taste purple.
Randomize
