Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
