He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
