but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
