that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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