She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
