lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
