Ambien. No doubt about it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
