There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
