your thong is hanging out like whoa
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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