Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Still dying that you shit outside
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
