she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
