i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize