I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
