btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
