The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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