Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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