Me too!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
