just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
