God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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