can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
