singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
