i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
