Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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