hotel room ftw
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
