At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
