u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
