we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
