sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
A+ Viking dick
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
