So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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