Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize