my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
