she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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