He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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