I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
