How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
