Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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