i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
