it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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