you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
