I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
