People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
