Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She bit a glass in half.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
