The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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