he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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