Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
