woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
