took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
