really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
