Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
