when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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