I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
