i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
