need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize