They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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