I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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