i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
