i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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