im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
