my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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