People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
