Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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