FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
