Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize