I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
