I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
