went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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