I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize