I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm bleeding and have questions
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize