so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
