the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
