She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
