i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
