You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
