yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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