Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
