This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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