How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
